As you may know, I never let a man tell me what to do. Especially not when he’s right. So when The Husband told me I shouldn’t watch Bird Box, I swiftly climbed on the couch and pressed play.
For anyone who hasn’t seen the beautiful film, here’s a brief synopsis: the once fresh, safe, outdoor air has become contaminated. Anyone who steps or even looks outside will see something that makes them say terrifying things and jump out of windows. There are guns, blindfolds, and a super pissed off John Malkovich. Creepy people try to make everyone else look at the evil monster demons because “it’s so beautiful.” Sandra Bullock feels a lot of feelings. The birds save some people. The End!
I know I greatly played down the fear factor, but this movie messed. me. up. I couldn’t go outside alone for a few days. I contemplated purchasing a bird. But I managed to suffer through many sleepless nights and eventually thought I was in the clear. I had survived.
Until months later, when the Box managed to infiltrate my slumbering mind.
My dream began mid-post-apocalypse. I had somehow survived the craziness, and The Husband and I were living our “new normal.” Businesses were being run by all the creepy people who were able to safely walk outside.
On a beautiful Tuesday morning, I decide I deserve a new car. The Husband and I drive (blindfolded, of course), to the nearest dealership. I am finally going to get the Porsche Cayenne. Life is good.
Our salesperson is very helpful, but his main goal is to get us to take off our blindfolds. “Don’t you want to see the car before you purchase it? How are you supposed to drive while blindfolded?” All good questions, sir, but you won’t be tricking us today! We purchase the car sight unseen at just a little above sticker price.
We drive off happily. Mission accomplished!
That is, until I have a major hankering for soup. Not canned soup. Restaurant soup. Preferably served in a bowl of bread, along with a side of bread.
We head to The Cheesecake Factory, where we are seated outside. Our waiter is so friendly, but keeps saying things like “Oh you want the soup du jour? I would be glad to show you on the menu. Just remove your blindfold…” and “Please look at the soup. It’s so beautiful!”
But we remain strong and blindfolded. Lunch will not be the end of us! We tip generously and make our way safely back to my Porsche. Just as I open the car door, I hear a scream.
“Husband? Husband?!” I called out, but to no avail. I have no choice. I rip off my blindfold, prepared to save The Husband from all things scary.
But…nothing is there. No car, no Husband, no Cheesecake Factory. I am all alone on a dirt road. The End!
Anyway, I’m doing well. Thanks for asking.
Happy Halloween, my happy halloweenies ❤️