Do you have a long to-do list? Are you running out of ways to procrastinate? Then you’ve come to the right place! Here is a list of 30 ways to avoid being productive:
- Write other lists. A list of your favorite cats, things you want to learn how to draw, and the best places to buy cronuts. The possibilities are endless!
- Pet a dog. Your dog, my dog, your neighbor’s annoying barker. Please ensure that it is actually a dog and not a wolf or coyote. I take no responsibility for any injuries.
- Brush your teeth. But seriously, please brush your teeth.
- Mismatch all your socks.
- Write “match socks” on your to-do list. Feel proud of yourself for doing something.
- Re-imagine a famous painting on your pinky toenail. I don’t recommend the Mona Lisa.
- Move all your furniture out of the house and sing. It’s important to test the acoustics.
- Give all your furniture away. It’s not worth moving back in, and it’s important to be charitable.
- Learn the actual lyrics to all your favorite songs.
- Forget the actual lyrics to all your favorite songs and rewrite them, Starbucks lovers!
- Practice super dramatic fainting. Is there a way to faint undramatically? Try that, too.
- Watch your least favorite movie over and over until you learn to love it.
- Test the permanency of Sharpies. On your walls, your carpet, and your face. Document your findings in a scientific journal. Profit.
- Start a blog about dolphins.
- Open 11 different bank accounts so you can tell people you’re financially diverse.
- Complain about the weather, even if it’s sunny with a high of 75.
- Put on a blindfold and reorganize your kitchen. Remove your blindfold and try to find everything.
- Start a penny collection. Save up until you have $1 to add to each of your bank accounts. Profit again.
- Core all your apples.
- Start a gratitude journal. Only add pictures of chickens. Name every chicken.
- Turn all of your favorite movies into puppet shows. Feel free to change the endings. We all know Jack should have lived, Rose!
- Create your own bird watching club. Don’t invite anyone but the birds.
- Rename every crayon in the box. Tickle Me Pink is just not as good as Broderick.
- Sign every book in your house.
- Learn one or two different words in every single language. Write a very difficult to read novel.
- Buy a pizza from 7 different restaurants. Eat one slice of each. Regret everything.
- Learn to play the guitar upside down.
- Mix and match company slogans. I’ll start. Bounty: Melts in your mouth, not in your hands.
- Host a super exclusive, fancy dinner party. Only invite people who look exactly like you. I’ll see you at my house on Friday, Scarlett Johansson.
- If all else fails, take a nap. Refuse to wake up until people stop expecting you to be productive.