Thursday Thoughts

Happiest Post-Hump Day!

November 12, 2020

Good morning, Thursday Thinkers! Although it might now be afternoon or evening. But it is most likely still Thursday. We did it! Let’s celebrate by discussing my thoughts and feelings.

  1. Why do parents get angry when their teenagers sleep in? 

This is what you’ve been waiting for, people! After years and years of waking up at the crack of dawn, you can finally enjoy a peaceful morning. Casually roll out of bed way after the roosters have stopped crowing. You’ll likely still have time to read a book, enjoy a quiet breakfast, and be in charge of the TV remote. You want to ruin this by waking them up? I will not stand for this madness! Not in my house! We will ALL be sleeping in.

  1. Adults should get stickers and trinkets for being brave at the dentist.

Why do only children have access to the coveted bravery chests? Adults know what’s about to happen. The shots. The drilling. The dentist asking us how our summer was while their hand is still in our mouths. We are much more brave. We deserve the clip-on earrings, mini teddy bears, and smiley face temporary tattoos. Until then, I will be visiting a pediatric dentist. 

  1. Why do contractors build kitchens as if everyone is a giant?

Sure, there is plenty of space to put drawers and cabinets up to the lovely vaulted ceiling. But how am I, a very averagely sized short woman, supposed to reach my Crock-Pot up there?  My family and I will surely starve! I would like to speak to the manager!

  1. We need to create a baby bubble (safe for ages 9 months to 18 years)

I understand that it’s frowned upon to put children in actual bubbles. I’m not sure why. Can you please explain it to me like I’m five? Anyway, there HAS to be a better way to protect our very important belongings, and, I suppose, keep the cute little gremlins safe in the process. That’s where Bubble Babies (not to be confused with the critically acclaimed Bubble Guppies) comes in! Simply place the giant bubble around your entire home, enveloping all your Pottery Barn (#ad) knickknacks in a beautiful cushion of joy and safety. Bubble Babies is fully portable, so no need to worry about your mother-in-law’s dangerous fireplace or precariously placed x-acto knives. Bubble Babies has your back. Although not literally. We have yet to test the weight limit. Please keep your hands and feet away from the bubble at all times. 

I must now be off to pitch all my ideas to the Shark Tank investors. I am asking for $5 million dollars in exchange for 2.75% of my company.

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